Thanks to Kimberly at Zook Book Nook, for hosting an opening hook challenge. Below is the opening paragraph to Moon Over Donamorgh, a fantasy novel. The entire first chapter is available under the Upcoming Novels tab, if anyone wants to read the whole thing.
I’m looking forward to comments. Would you keep reading? Why/Why not?
Edited to add: The first two comments on this opening were negative, and thankfully, the commentators gave some reasons for their thoughts. This is exactly what I’ve been looking for. Since we can post a couple of openings, I’ve added an earlier version of the opening to this book. So if anyone else wants to comment, perhaps you could tell me which one you like better. It’s possible I need to completely rethink it, but this is a start. Thanks!
The room rose and fell in balance-defying swells. Seamus Firnan sat propped against a row of boxes and watched a coiled rope that hung on the wall across from him. The rope signaled each drop of the room by moving outward from the wall, alerting Seamus that his stomach was about to rise into his throat. He had already puked twice, once upon his waking to the world gone mad with movement, and again after he’d settled against the boxes, when a sudden dip caused sharp daggers of pain to pierce his head and neck.
A protest from his stomach brought Seamus Firnan from a dizzy dream to groggy consciousness. The world pitched and rolled, and his fingers grasped weakly at floorboards. He tried to open his eyes but when a hint of light stabbed his head, he gave up with a moan. Bloody hell, what had he been drinking?